If the intention is to have a conversation and to break the rules of the cultural game of not talking about stuff that we have essentially internalized or assumed that "it is the way it is and cannot change", then we need to have some agreed-upon ground rules. We are going to take it one step at a time and move slowly especially when it starts to feel messy. If I break the rules, then you will assume permission to break the rules, and we just might hurt someone unintentionally.
The way I learned it is that the rules can also be a good way to look at my relationships, and so it was good practice to notice when I wasn't playing by the rules and why. You can process yourself against the guidelines.
The guidelines are there for us to risk going deeper in our relationship, but it starts with you.
These guidelines may vary from circle to circle but there are some common themes and even definitions. And the group begins by negotiating each one so that a reasonable consensus can happen in order to proceed.
Here they are:
Confidentiality
Self-Focus
Try-On
No Shame / No Blame
Be aware of both Process and Content.
Intent vs. Impact
Personal Responsibility (to get what I want and to take care of myself)
It's OK to get a little messy.
The way I learned it is that the rules can also be a good way to look at my relationships, and so it was good practice to notice when I wasn't playing by the rules and why. You can process yourself against the guidelines.
The guidelines are there for us to risk going deeper in our relationship, but it starts with you.
These guidelines may vary from circle to circle but there are some common themes and even definitions. And the group begins by negotiating each one so that a reasonable consensus can happen in order to proceed.
Here they are:
Confidentiality
Self-Focus
Try-On
No Shame / No Blame
Be aware of both Process and Content.
Intent vs. Impact
Personal Responsibility (to get what I want and to take care of myself)
It's OK to get a little messy.